Time
Flies
- Each day I rise with the morning sun,
- My mind is calm like window dew.
- It’s hard to wake when my bed is so warm.
- My day has begun; what a hullabaloo.
- My life was a dream until this day started,
- Hair like a lion, bags under my eyes,
- With the smell of roses from my mane,
- Out the door I go as my puppy cries.
- I know that I really know nothing until,
- My large cup of java starts to kicks in.
- Teachers walk in, I find my way through,
- Seven hours of class;can wear me within.
- Things calmed down once it was all over,
- Home again, home again, I’m homeward bound.
- The day is all over, to my room I go,
- My Garden of Eden, my bed I have found!
I really liked yor poem! I loved the descriptions, you did a great job at describing!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you worded some of the things you said, like how you compared your bed to the Garden of Eden :D
ReplyDeleteA very interesting use of an A,B,C,B rhyming scheme. Also, using punctuation to create a pause and also to create equally balanced lines was very ambitious. The only recommendation I could make is that you should revisit the earlier lines of the poem and see if you can't make the punctuation effect apply to at least some of the first half. You do it three times in the final stanza but only twice in the entire rest of the poem.
ReplyDeleteLine 9 is my absolute favorite! I love the juxtapostion AND the way the line sounds when read outloud. So cool.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if you could add some stanzas to describe more of your day. You could even think about what descriptions and details about your day could make the bed at the end all the more "Eden-like" by contrast! Just and idea...